True Grit

Grits?

I’m from the South and I love a bowl of grits. Grits with butter. Grits with cheese. Grits with sugar. Shrimp and grits. I like every kind I have tried.  What does that have to do with my parenting class? Well the topic I wanted to talk to you about today is called grit and that got me a little bit hungry and homesick.

What is Grit?

“One researcher defines it as “a combination of passion and perseverance in the pursuit of a long-term goal” (see story of Angela Duckworth in Wall Street Journal, May 3, 2016, and cited in "The Virtue of Hard Things," by Emily Esfahani Smith). She offers a few examples: a cartoonist who submitted some 2,000 drawings to the New Yorker magazine before one was finally accepted; a below-average high school English student who became a best-selling novelist; a Super Bowl quarterback who, after a disappointing first semester in college, wanted to quit and come home, but his strong but loving father told him, “You can quit. … But you can’t come home because I’m not going to live with a quitter” (see Smith, "Hard Things").

According to this research, grit is a better predictor of success than innate ability — and ability does not make a person more likely to have grit. In fact, the research found that the higher a student’s test scores, the less gritty the student tended to be (see Smith's, "The Virtue of Hard Things"). As any teacher or parent can tell you, the child who has to work harder usually gets further ahead in the long run.” (Deseret News, 2017)

Grit is an internal drive to keep pushing through tasks. It is not determined by natural ability. Students who have grit work hard and do things that are hard or uncomfortable. They have a growth mindset. 

We have to do hard things. In 2 Nephi 2:11 it says, “For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things.” (“2 Nephi 2,” n.d.)

I have a child who is naturally talented but does not try hard at all in school. He receives A's and B's but receives bad marks on his report cards. He doesn't work up to his fullest potential. If he’s not interested then he doesn’t try. He does not naturally display grit. He has said, "Mom I don't like to do hard things." I have another child who struggles and studies for hours. She makes A's and B's on her report card. She receives praise on her report card. Teachers can see that she tries and see that grit. She says, "Mom if I work hard, I think I can do it. " This child naturally displays grit.

Q. What if they don’t have it?

A. If they don’t have it then we can help them to develop it.

“There are a lot of reasons some people may have extra difficulty persevering: lack of resources, lack of family or group support, or some other condition that makes learning harder. In a study for educators entitled “Promoting Grit, Tenacity, and Perseverance—Critical Factors for Success in the 21st Century,” the U.S. Department of Education identifies these critical factors for developing perseverance: A growth mindset. Effort. Strategies and Tactics.” (“Self-Reliance Principle 9: Persevere,” n.d.)

I can do hard things.

 “Sometimes we might feel like salmon swimming upstream. It can be discouraging. And to stop trying is to be swept away by the current. But as President Thomas S. Monson said: Recovering from failure requires us to be honest with ourselves. We have to ask ourselves “What did I do wrong?” no matter how unfairly we think we were treated or how far out of our control the circumstances were. We recover from mistakes when we develop the discipline to hold ourselves accountable.

We also develop perseverance when we learn to look at the big picture. The reason those salmon keep pushing against the current is that they know a safe place to spawn is ahead. Our desire to progress on this earth should be equally strong because we know that at the end of the currents and setbacks is the embrace of our Heavenly Father. He has given us the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide us. As we pray to develop these skills and as we follow a plan of action, God will bless us in our efforts to become more like Him.” (“Self-Reliance Principle 9: Persevere,” n.d.)

Here’s a list of things that we can do as parents according to Laura Markham Ph.D.

 1.     Stop controlling and start coaching.

2.     Remember that perfection is not the goal.

3.     Let him try to do it himself from the earliest age.

4.     Help her build confidence by tackling manageable challenges.

5.     Don’t set him up for failure.

6.     Encourage, encourage, encourage. And teach self-encouragement.

7.      Instead of evaluating, describe and empathize.

8.     Focus on effort, not results.

9.     Model positive self-talk.

10.  Don't be afraid of your child's feelings. 

11.  Don't set your child up for extra frustration.

12.  Affirm your child’s ability to impact the world.

(Markham Ph.D., 2015)

As parents, we want to teach and prepare our children for the real world. Grit is also known as perseverance. This is a lifelong self-reliance skill. 

Resources:

2 Nephi 2. (n.d.). Retrieved July 18, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/2.11?lang=eng#p11#11

Deseret News. (2017, March 4). Music and the Spoken Word: Developing grit. Retrieved from https://www.deseret.com/2017/3/4/20607473/music-and-the-spoken-word-developing-grit

Self-Reliance Principle 9: Persevere. (n.d.). Retrieved July 18, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/topics/pef-self-reliance/live/persevere?lang=eng

Markham Ph.D. (2015, June 5). 12 Ways to Raise a Competent, Confident Child with Grit. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201506/12-ways-raise-competent-confident-child-grit