Sexual Purity

Let’s Talk about Sex

Yes, that title is there for attention. No I don’t want to talk to you about sex. It’s an uncomfortable subject. But it’s one we need to talk about with our children. If we don’t talk to our children about sex their friends will or even worse they’ll look it up on the internet. “It is not just a talk about sexuality; it’s a conversation about our God-given feelings and our aspirations of what we can become as families.” (“How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events,” 2015)

“It’s important to start talking about it. You want to be sure your child is getting the facts and not getting information that isn’t appropriate or is misguided-whether from other kids or media. And if you are not talking about it, you are missing the invaluable opportunity to build a closer relationship with your child.” (Luff, 2004, p. 336)

We need to address our standards. In the For Strength of Youth handbook there is a detailed section about sexual purity. God has given us desires to bring about his external purposes. They are good but we must abide by his guidelines if we wish to be happy.

The Lord’s standard regarding

sexual purity is clear and unchanging.

·      “The Lord’s standard regarding sexual purity is clear and unchanging.

·      Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage.

·      Do not allow the media, your peers, or others to persuade you that sexual intimacy before marriage is acceptable. It is not.

·      In God’s sight, sexual sins are extremely serious.

·      They defile the sacred power God has given us to create life.

The prophet Alma taught that sexual sins are more serious than any other sins except murder or denying the Holy Ghost (see Alma 39:5).” (“Sexual Purity,” 2011)

Children are constantly receiving messages about sex. Our homes should be a safe place where they can learn the truth about this sacred subject. Did you note I wrote children not teens? The age that a child is exposed to sexual images is getting younger and younger. It would be wise to have an ongoing dialog with all of our children about the sacred nature and purpose of their bodies as is appropriate by age. (“How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events,” 2015)

“Rather than allowing the media to teach children what is appropriate, parents can start teaching about bodies being blessings from Heavenly Father. From there, parents can teach in more detail according to the direction of the Spirit and their family’s needs. Rather than waiting for children to learn at school or other outside influences, parents can broach the topic at home, in a positive atmosphere.” (“How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events,” 2015)

So what age do I start?

“There are things you can do that are age appropriate along the way so children are inoculated and prepared rather than just reacting to things they see in the media or hear from friends,” said Brother Gibbons. “When you proactively prepare them, you set the stage for them to be able to handle those instances when they inevitably encounter it.” (“How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events,” 2015)

“Sexuality and sex education start at birth. How a child is held as an infant translates to the adult need for affection, comfort, and soothing…How a parent feels about their own body and sex will impact the nonverbal messages they convey as well as how they approach the topic with their child. Parents' ability to talk comfortably about sex is usually dependent upon how they learned about sex and their relational and cultural/religious morals and values about it.” (Scheel Ph.D., L.C.S.W., CEDS, 2019)

“Parents often project their own discomfort, fears, shame, on to their child.  So, if the parent is uncomfortable they assume that their child is also. Sometimes because the parent is uncomfortable the child becomes uncomfortable in response to the parent’s uneasiness. If there is no communication about sex in the household it is reasonable for the child to grow up feeling that something must be wrong or bad about the subject.” (Scheel Ph.D., L.C.S.W., CEDS, 2019)

“Whatever your hesitations or fears, it is vital that you discuss sexual intimacy with your children on an ongoing basis,” the lesson states. “Children and teenagers are regularly bombarded with damaging ideas about sex, and you have the opportunity to help them create a positive, gospel-driven understanding of sexual intimacy.” (“How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events,” 2015)

The church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has developed several resources that can help you get started. Here’s a link to a quick video: https://youtu.be/lpR6dxET0fE

This is an important topic and we as parents cannot pass this off to teachers or the schools. We must begin in the homes. Put in the time. Do your research and just begin an honest and open dialogue with your child. Your child will then know you are a person that they can turn to when they have questions.

Sources: 

How to Teach Children about Sexual Intimacy - Church News and Events. (2015, March 16). Retrieved from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/how-to-teach-children-about-sexual-intimacy?lang=eng

Luff, T. (2004). Talking to Your Kids about Sex: From Toddlers to Preteens. Family Relations, 53(3), 336. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.0bkrev4.x

Scheel Ph.D., L.C.S.W., CEDS. (2019, January 2). Talking About Sex with Your Children: Who Is Uncomfortable? Retrieved July 18, 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sex-is-language/201901/talking-about-sex-your-children-who-is-uncomfortable

Sexual Purity. (2011). Retrieved July 19, 2020, from https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/for-the-strength-of-youth/sexual-purity?lang=eng